A Sibshaw's State of Affairs
by killerqueenbex
Summary: Sometimes the long summer days spent laid in the grass could make an old man forget his past yet throughout his constant reassurance of zero libido for anyone Cleggy was different back then...and so was she.
1. Chapter 1

Why is Cleggy so afraid of Pearl?

It had been yet another lazy day for the slightly senior trio in the fields of West Yorkshire. Compo was twirling a stray piece of grass between his index finger and thumb before pocketing the plant life in his worn down jacket that portrayed itself to live through both the world wars, dragged through the trenches and no man's land backwards along with his fast fading wellington boots. They'd served him well throughout the years, and no matter what any tom, dick or foggy said the small Simmonite wasn't prepared to part with them. Not unless Nora Batty sent her undying love to him. _Perhaps if thee smartened up she'd lose those god awful stockings..._he pondered briefly, then clutching at a few more blades like a greedy child given a bag of sweets however that was Compo's style, he never could afford to share or be charitable, or so he reckoned.

Foggy had his walking stick resting by his side, ready for attack should the time come. The ex army man was well aware that he was past his 'prime' yet the senior was always alert, ready for hiding or concocting a plan that would keep the three of them active. Of course Mr Dewhurst considered himself to be the leader of the aged trio raising them to grow old with a sense of grace but adventure. However at that point in time relaxing was the best medicine, he needed some time for an idea to brew, give the two fellows something to do. He'd never married, to which he was partially glad but also, felt like there was a lack of completion in his life. Would his family be proud to know that a Dewhurst lived the bachelor life? Naturally most of his family up north had slowly deceased and the core of the ancestry had deterred over the years but never did he think the days would go so quickly. Had he wasted them all by throwing war stories at strangers? Buying tea, cakes and pints for his daft school friends? Foggy never admitted it to them but he knew that he was proud of having them as the constants in his possibly pointless yet rather exploratory life. When he'd moved to Brighton the aging male confessed to himself that life without his friends was empty and slightly melancholy. Days without an adventure, using Compo to do the tasks, throwing Cleggy into Auntie Wainwrights, sending Howard's pointless and rather dangerous notes to Marina, getting the odd invention from Wesley even if it meant that he was the main buyer of the three, those days were the ones he'd missed. Sometimes he felt the urge to ask if they'd felt the same but didn't want to ruin whatever it was that the trio had. He was content with it, and as he readjusted his head to avoid the sun's intensifying rays, Foggy nodded to himself as he was certain that there must've been at least one day when the two were lost without him even if it was just because they were short of change.

Norman Clegg had always been the quietest of the three, he chipped in with the odd joke here and there and was relatively close to Compo however there'd been many a time that he and Foggy had shared a laugh. He'd kept his nose clean throughout his prolonged life, or at least tried to. He wanted to shut the door on Howard every time he came begging to send some sort of note to Marina, or buy a gift or play some part in a stupid scheme that wouldn't work but then if he was certain it would fail, Cleggy found that playing along could be half the fun. His life had been stagnant for the past 20 or 30 years, living in the same house, doing the same thing with the relatively same people. Well an interchange between Foggy and Seymour to which he was certain the two would either get on like a house on fire or get on each other's wicks. Knowing the pair like he did, they'd always try to outsmart each other constantly to gain some sort of leadership points and he was glad that the two would most likely never interact. Laying amongst nature made the quiet man feel at his best, and at his safest. At home, he enjoyed the security but it was ever so close to Howard and Pearl who were quite the intimidating and irritating sort of neighbours. They'd been tugging at his mind recently, the woman never bothered him really though she had this look in her eye and an intimidating demeanour and throughout all that had happened, Cleggy found himself unable to meet her glare. Though he considered Howard a friend, he didn't know much about him. Perhaps if he moved to another part of the area, even with Nora Batty a figure so intimidating to say the least Howard wouldn't venture to get him to do the dirty work. It seemed like a perfect plan, one that Foggy could help develop if need be, but there were two problems with the idea. First and foremost Nora Batty frightened the living daylights out of him and his closest pal Compo would have something to say about the living arrangements. Secondly his family had lived in that house for what appeared to be a lifetime, moving out would be impractical and letting down his parents. Though they weren't there to be disappointed anymore, and if he died who would get the house then? Perhaps he'd leave it to Compo if the situation arised. He'd never take it, his home had the best view in all of west Yorkshire in his opinion...Nora Batty; even if it did include a pair of wrinkly stockings. He could give it to Foggy, if he didn't move again. Truthfully Norman missed his old school friend when he left, though he wouldn't say so and nor would Compo for that matter unless it meant that he could get a free drink out of it. They cared for each other but words weren't required to express the notion just moments like the one the trio were currently sharing, and they had many of those.

Finally deciding to speak, Cleggy cleared his throat briefly and tipped his hat up lightly to see his comrades,

"I think I might move." He declared causing the other two to share a quizzical look. Compo sat upright with his wellies crossed whilst wearing the same confused expression,

"What does tha want to move for? " the aging Simmonite asked, stating the most obvious question that had been lurking in everyone's mind for that short moment in time. Pausing for a moment Norman had to choose his words carefully, or decide upon the right moment to let them out. He'd been hiding a secret for far too long one which he wondered if the fellow keeper had forgotten it. The ex lino salesman wished he could, sometimes it filled him with regret, others nostalgia and then he looked over the road and guilt hit him in the stomach.

"Because of my neighbours, Howard in particular...and Pearl." He mumbled quickly, hoping they'd mistake it for some odd form of sarcasm or a new branch of pessimism that he was experimenting with. Unfortunately Foggy pressed on,

"What's Pearl ever done to you? Although I'm certain she strikes fear into...almost every person's heart at one time or another she has no personal vendetta I'm certain. Although we could use a plan to find out..." The other two saw a stupid and dangerous idea brewing in what they perceived to be the undersized brain of his so Compo turned to face him,

"Hold up now Ethel, tha isn't doing nowt to do with Pearl. You can count us out! But aye Norm' what has our Pearl done to thee?" Norman wasn't too sure how he was going to get himself out of such a silly slip up, one which he feared his sub conscious had done intentionally to get him to open up about what had happened between himself and the battleaxe.

"No, nothing. Well what hasn't Pearl done? She married Howard for a start, he wouldn't be bothering me everyday making me interact with the likes of _Marina _or _Auntie Wainwright!" _He pointed out, stumbling over the odd word whilst adding extra emphasis on the female names. He didn't despise them, yet they gave him a sense of fear he was never able to overcome. All women had that effect on him since his wife died, and he was never keen on women then. Foggy smirked, being an idiot was something the town believed him to be an expert in but the old man wasn't daft. He could tell something was wrong, not in its proper order,

"He's hiding something, I can always tell when people are hiding something! It's like the natives used to say back in Burma," He then paused to change his tone of voice to something rather squeaky and irregular, "_He who is the great bringer of truth, _it's what they all used to say. Come along now that man, let's hear it." He ordered, in quite a military fashion. Foggy Dewhurst was under the impression that his interrogation skills were up to scratch just like every other thing he needed in the war. In this case, Norman preferred to be out with the truth and give his friends the satisfaction. Gulping, he closed his eyes for a moment just in case he could forget it all. Alas it was still there, fresh on his memory,

"Well...it was a very long time ago." He pointed out, but Compo already had the twinkle in his eye, whilst Foggy was still clueless. The small man had sussed what Cleggy was about to say and was ready to shout it out loud, and in his case after knowing the man for so long, proud.

"'Ey up Norm'! You and Pearl...by 'eck. Does Howard know?" The thought of Howard becoming aware of the situation made Norman's skin crawl however it would do him justice. That and the fact remained that she and Howard weren't married of course he was but then Edith never really cared for romance much like himself. Though oddly enough, Pearl had been the exception. In recent years Norman had been too afraid to even approach her but as he recalled she was different back then. Or perhaps Clegg was different. He was probably more open to relationships or whatever it was he and his neighbour had. It was brief, and they'd promised not to speak of it and from then on she had gained a frightening and defensive persona, one which she'd possibly learnt to love much like Cleggy had become attached to his.

"Keep your voice down! You never know where Howard could be, well you do if Marina's nearby but shhh! He doesn't know, so you best keep it to yourselves," He hushed sharply then pointing a finger to the two of them and adding another word of warning, "Or else."

"I never thought tha'd see 'day when our Norm' was giving out the orders! Aye we'll keep quiet if tha buys us a drink." He added with a sharp wink which was followed by the usual cackle of laughter. Foggy was well in agreement in this decision, for once it meant that he didn't have to buy the round. In his mind, the story Norman had to share could be just as interesting as his thrilling war tales that brought him back to the days in Burma.

"Yes I agree with our short fellow there, seal the deal with a drink. The more you buy, the more we forget hm?" the tallest of the three chipped in, much to Cleggy's annoyance but if it swerved them away from ever spreading the tales of Pearl and himself then he'd buy them the entire pub. Which lead him to the realisation that he'd probably have to tell them at some point. The 'stories' so to speak. They were nothing fancy but then, they probably meant something to the pair of them once. Now that their new characters had taken over Cleggy wasn't even sure what the word love meant. Had he loved Pearl? Was he really capable of such a strong feeling inside? And Pearl for that matter, sharp as a knife in both the mind and attack. Her words stung and according to Howard her infamous handbag hit had been taught to her by the Nora Batty herself.

Simultaneously the three stood up, and made their way back to the country road, to which they'd follow until a pub came by offering them a drink, a nice atmosphere and a roaring fire that wasn't really needed. It was just something a pub needed...to be a pub. Otherwise it'd immediately lose its authenticity. They'd been silent for a while, their thoughts lingering upon the news they'd just heard .and trying to digest it without making such a fuss,

"You and Pearl though?! That's as likely as him and Nora Batty!" Foggy scoffed, the mere idea of Nora and Compo seemed like an impossible partnership. Compo, however, had other ideas,

"Watch it Mary, me and Nora are made for each other. Minus them god awful stockings!" He spat, but the thought of himself with the woman who lived above playing at his emotions consequently he began to imitate some odd tango down the lane humming some nonsensical fictitious song as he danced. Foggy marched up to his smaller companion and grabbed him by the collar with his walking stick,

"Listen here, that man. Don't go making a fool of yourself, just get down to the pub so Cleggy can tell us all about Pearl! I knew all women were feminine really! Pearl has hidden it rather well over the years but a Dewhurst always know."

Compo just shook his head,

"Oi, no one's about! And if you ever say that to our Pearl, I'll be buying the next round of teas down at Ivy's."

All but Compo laughed,

"Now that I would like to see." Norman added, trying to make the walk worthwhile before a seat at the pub with some beer which would last forever and a trip down memory lane which could most likely haunt him if he went in too deep.

A/N - I hope you liked it! Please review if you can, and thanks for reading 3


	2. Chapter 2

After a long walk that included the odd jibe from Compo and a few calls of order from their taller companion, Foggy, the three of them came across The Flying Horse. It was a pub which had served them well over the years, although a different landlord occupied it now and again, each had learnt to give them some sort of admiration. Especially Foggy, after all he almost always paid when he scavenged for the odd bit of spare change from his miniscule and slightly womanly purse. The old man insisted on having the accessory with him at all times, with those pair of conning idiots around him the ex army man was positive that spare change was a must. This time however, it wasn't needed as the two sat outside awaiting their beverages.

At first the duo were silent as Foggy removed his gloves and stuffed them in his pockets, then hastily readjusted his glasses in case the shifty Simmonite had run off somewhere. In his mind it was like babysitting, something he was keen to voice if Compo's behavior continued,

"Does tha think Cleggy's having us on?" He asked the thought of Pearl and Cleggy cuddled up by a fireside was touching for a moment but then it sent shivers down his spine and a squirmish facial expression which Foggy could read like a book. Then again Pearl _cuddling _with anyone was a sight yet to be seen even to Howard, in fact the chances of that ever being a possiblity was slim. He'd only partake if it meant Marina was out of sight or knowledge. They could never had been close, it wouldn't make sense for her to be of a loving nature so Compo couldn't swallow the idea at all.

"Well, he wouldn't go as far to buy us both a drink if it was a trick now would he? Although, I'll keep my eye out for any sudden moves he makes. The quiet ones are usually the ones to look out for. Then again, you never were quiet...not even at school. As I remember they needed several teachers to look out for you; probably the entire staff just to be safe." Foggy recalled thinking back upon their days as school children. Those were happier times and whilst they were friends then but, apart from the odd exception, everyone got along. It was that way at the time, people briefly fell out over the odd marble or scraped knee but generally everyone was friends. They never had best friends, although Foggy was certain Nora was always besides Ivy, the two were most likely as close as Compo and Clegg.

"No teacher could tie thee down!" Compo declared with a child like grin plastered on his rarely shaven face. He'd embraced the rugged look although it didn't suit him in many a person's opinion. If he'd smarten up then Nora would've eventually caved...possibly. However he was a lot more fun being the scruffy midget of the group than some eloquent fake being. Mr Dewhurst had let the badly dressed man grow on him and it was proving difficult to shake him off.

Meanwhile inside the pub Norman Clegg was stood by the bar awaiting his drinks to be served, carrying three would possibly be a task at his age, or at any in his opinion but hopefully someone would be on standby if help was required. As he approached one of the bar staff gave him a quizzical look, one to which was about to be explained,

"Why are you here?" The young lad asked bluntly his yorkshire accent seeping through into Norman's ears,

"I just thought I'd stop and admire the scenery...I came to buy three pints if that's alright." He informed the worker whilst throwing in a bit of sarcasm that drew the young boy to yet another vague expression,

"Usually it's the other one that's buying. Taller fellow with a walking stick and a girly purse. What happened to him?" He asked, Cleggy thought quickly on his feet to reply,

"He lost it. But if my money's not the same I'll ask him to buy or we'll go to the Red Lion, I think they accept Cleggy currency there..." Which only brought on more confusion so the lad merely extended a mucky looking hand as the older, wiser man paid him his money. It was strange seeing children in a pub behind the bar, taking pints and asking for money, _usually they'd be the ones trying to drink it when no one was looking _Norm pointed out to himself. He then stuffed one drink under his arm and gripped the other two carefully in his hands and paced back to the table that was out in the glowing sun. Norm made a point of being slower, similarly on his mandatory walks to Auntie Wainwright's shop or when meeting with Marina to give her a silly scented note. Those two seemed to be the constant women in his life, and it worried the retired man deeply, they contrasted entirely but whether it was selling some pointless tat or trying to steal a fear infested kiss it didn't matter Cleggy wanted to be as far away from the possibility of either occurring as he could.

When he approached the other two he noticed that Compo had his eyes burning into the drink he was holding whereas Foggy was wearing an intrigued expression with that look that meant he was itching to find out.

"Ah thanks Norm'." Compo thanked, then making a quick grab for his pint before the attempt to gulp it down so he could have another. Foggy simply nodded letting the icy cool drink freeze his fingers and then send chills into his body as he sipped the beer. It wasn't unusual for him to do this, everyone in the Flying Horse knew him as a 'sipper' with the drink, although one would've thought that given the fact that he wasn't buying any on that day, he'd have been a bit more eager. Yet old habits die hard.

"Now then that man, let's hear it." Foggy stated, as Compo began to rub his hands together eagerly. Usually it was Norman and Compo that were as thick as thieves but in that instant it was Norm put under pressure and Foggy pressing into interrogation. Cleggy initially pulled a quizzical and absent minded face in hope that the two pals would drop it and let them enjoy the few drinks and then wash it down with a tea at Ivy's.

"Hear what? I don't know what you're talking about." He stated with a hint of seriousness but not enough to put either off the subject.

"Come off it Norm'! Here's what I want to know...was she any good?" Compo whispered mischievously adding a quick wink to which Foggy spat out the contents of his drink right onto the Simmonite's hat.

"We'll have less of that! Honestly discretion has never been your forte. I've never met anyone so vulgar. But I am rather intrigued as to how it all began..." He trailed off as Compo stood up almost matching the ex army man's height.

"Oi! You owe me a new hat!"

"You can wash...well no look at the man, he's never had a wash in his life," he said referring to the mucky face with the odd stubble attached and the holes in his wearing attire. "No we'll have to get one from Auntie Wainwright's. Now stop interrupting and let the man get on with his story!" He ushered him to be quiet and return to his seat. Foggy was still trying to get used to the idea of Pearl being nice once upon a time. She'd need to be affectionate otherwise Howard wouldn't have married her...unless she forced him to marry which seemed very convincing if Foggy Dewhurst knew Pearl like he did. Not as well as Cleggy though apparently. If they were both different then perhaps it could've worked, although Norman had always been rather shy and Pearl had been very upfront, how would such a fling work? It could've just been a dance at the local church hall after the war. Everyone seemed to be having them, but to Clegg it could've been something more. Foggy was prepared to wait to find out though, although not for much longer the theories were eating away at his mind, making him over think every possibility.

"Who said I'd be telling a story? It's a well known fact that the Cleggs have never done well with storytelling." Norman rambled in yet another hasty attempt to avert explaining his well covered past. Compo then stood up and began to perform with his terrible acting skills, then rushing to Foggy's side with a hazy look masking his face,

"'Ey up Foggy, I'm starting to remember some things, why we're here and who's buying the drinks. Maybe our Pearl can tell us a lot better than thee can." he said nudging Foggy who initially brushed himself down of whatever 'germs' or unhygienic friends William Simmonite (Very few knew him as that, it was almost always Compo.) carried,

"Oh yes I'm beginning to see what you mean, and Pearl always could tell quite a story I'm sure..." he hinted, grabbing his walking stick as an instigation to leave. Cleggy just shook his head in dismay and let out yet another sigh; he really didn't like bringing up the past one bit.

"Alright," He said without any authority in his voice, just hoping that both of them would quieten down.

"Tell us everything Norm'!" Compo scoffed rubbing his hands together adding yet another roguish chuckle as Foggy jumped in,

"No sordid details though, leave it to the imagination, I'm sure _he'll_ come up with something with his dirty little mind." to which Norman could agree with, he knew that Compo had been with enough women over the years to put two and two together. Secretly the shy man wondered how he'd managed to hide it from his closest friend for all those years, and more importantly his wife. The romance was nothing like Howard and Marina's yet similarly he suspected his spouse always knew but didn't particularly care. They sought companionship of some kind or if anything, it was done to keep the family proud. He could imagine the frown on his father's face if he knew that Cleggy was bound to live a life of widowhood, his moustache hanging over the stern frown he wore whenever he was disappointed in the family. Then there was his mother with her constant fretting, the worries she had of her son dying alone or not producing any children...or rather grandchildren for her. In Norman's mind he wasn't alone, he had his friends and everyone in the town knew him which although he was a private and secluded man the popularity did have its privileges.

"Who said anything about sordid details?!" He gulped, the thought of going into detail of his memories with a certain Pearl Sibshaw would frighten the elderly man. He hadn't enjoyed romance in a very long time, unless it was poking fun at someone else's and he'd grown fond of the lack of lust in his life. Maybe the younger Norman Clegg would've jumped at the chance to tell a nostalgic tale of love or whatever it was the two had but now, he'd rather be sat alone in his home with a cup of tea and a good game of dominos. Compo took of his hat once again and ruffled his ashen, matted hair in anger then grabbing a surprised Mr Dewhurst by the arm and hauled himself up,

"Come on Veronica, tha's coming with me to ask our Pearl!" the miniature man declared to his closest friend then taking a final swig of his alcoholic beverage making sure the glass was empty. Desperately Cleggy snapped, no longer being able to deal with the fact that the sharp Simmonite could blow his cover at any moment,

"Alright! It was April 1947 when it all started," He sighed hoping his memory still served him well. Foggy and Compo cracked a smile, it warmed their hearts to know that after all the effort the man had finally started talking,

"Oh yes? Sit down now small, incompetent person things are about to get interesting." Foggy pointed out to the man with the lower height than himself and both awaited a great tale to be told. Or rather that was what they expected, however Norman had been spot on in that, the Cleggs had never been a family of tale yet not wanting to disappoint the old man believed that a fair amount of exaggeration would probably be in order.

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A/N - for anyone that's reading I'm sorry for the lack of description but the next chapter is a flashback scene so hopefully it'll be more in depth than the first two have been! I hope you have time to review; thanks for reading. :)


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